The Rest of the Story: Silencing Mary on Christmas Eve.

December 25, 2011

It is Christmas Eve. I just put my son to sleep and the family is watching a movie in the living room. I am here writing because there is a deep feeling in my heart that as we go on celebrating Christmas year after year, there is a big part of the story that gets missed in evangelical churches—Mary’s.

My husband and I like to attend Christmas services wherever we are. Today we attended the one at his hometown in Wisconsin. The sermon was preceded by an all-so-hipster video of Mary; a song about the difficulties of her journey into becoming the mother of Jesus. As I watched this video I thought, “Finally someone will talk about Mary and the challenges she faced.” Harry, the pastor, began his reflexion by saying that when we celebrate ‘baby Jesus’ we forget about the rest of the story. “Is this for real?” I thought. “Will this White guy from the Church where every woman has an admin position an every dude is a pastor really talk about Mary?”

“We forget about the rest of the story,” he proceeded. “That this ‘baby’ Jesus didn’t stay a baby. He grew up to become a MAN. He became a judge, a king…” an so on. Mark Driscoll would have been so proud!

As I listened, feeding my 11-month-old son, I felt like throwing the milk bottle at “Pastor Harry.” Hadn’t this man ever given birth? Clearly he hadn’t. As I sat there, moved to tears by the silencing of the story of this courageous teenager who gave birth under the most lonely, poorest, shameful and scariest of circumstances, I felt that someone needed to, indeed, tell “the rest of the story.”

Due to the ‘santa clausification’ of this ‘Silent Night’ I never stopped to think about what actually happened that night until a couple of years ago: A teenager gave birth to a baby by herself, without her community or friends surrounding her, and under sub-human conditions. She gave birth at a barn. People who give birth at hospitals with epidurals, please think about this: A 15-year-old gave birth, BY HERSELF, AT A BARN. And she did it successfully!

So Pastor Harry, or anyone who believes that the story of baby Jesus is not as powerful as the story of the man who died on a cross, please think about what you are saying.

At the beginning of this year I had the honor to give birth to my son. After much thought, I decided to do it at home and without any medication so as to be fully connected to the glory of my body and the birth process as designed by God. I made this decision also because up to that point I did not know that giving birth naturally and at home was an option for women at all. Not knowing bothered me, so giving birth naturally became a political issue for me. As it was, giving birth was a revolutionary act. Under the full moon of a night in January, my husband and I partnered to bring our son to this world. Our midwife didn’t make it, so the three of us, my husband, our baby, and I, did it together. My active labor was fast; only seven contractions and my son was here. Through the contractions I was reborn; I received a new name. I learned things about myself that I didn’t know—That I was strong, that I could handle a lot of physical pain, that my body was wise beyond my understanding, that I was deeply loved and that I actually trusted my husband with my life. The story of my son’s birth was redemptive not only to me but also to our marriage. For someone who grew up under familial, religious and political systems who told me that I wasn’t enough, that experience empowered me to see God, myself, and my body in a completely different light.

After going through that experience there were things I couldn’t believe anymore. One of them was that God was a male. There was no way that God had designed the glory of the birth process without fully understanding it. I’m not saying that God is a woman, but I am saying that calling God a man (or a woman) is idolatry; it is the same than calling God a bird, a bull or a dog (see McGrath, 2006). Since that day, I am referring to God as “They.” God exists as the Trinity after all.

Another thing I cannot believe anymore is that Mary’s role in the coming of Jesus was just utilitarian. There was power (more than many can understand) in bringing our redeemer through a woman’s body. There was power in Mary’s bravery, in her physical prowess, her sweat, and her screaming as she coped with labor pain. She did all of this while in a strange land, under conditions of abject poverty, and without any family or friends but Joseph to support her. There power in that vulnerability. There is power in the image of a baby born out of circumstances that were against all odd of succeeding. If “Pastor Harry” thought that a ‘baby Jesus’ was too cuddly for King Jesus, I’d invite him to think about that again.

Tonight I want to make a tribute to Mary, whose faithfulness and courage gave us the gift of seeing God’s glory unravel. And with her I also want to make a tribute of all the women who have given birth. To my friend K. who has had the courage to accept life’s invitation to be a mother despite the fact of being single. With bravery she has surrendered to God’s will and will give birth to her daughter in just a couple of weeks. To my friend C. who had the unbelievable courage to labor all night to give birth to a still-born baby, only to hope for resurrection to come sooner than she can ever wait to hug her baby. To my friend C.K., who has empowered not only me but many others to embrace the gift of giving birth to our sons and daughters the way God intended—using our bodies in their full glory.

My praise goes tonight to the God who reveals itself through the body of a teenager giving birth to our redeemer. To the God who doesn’t rest in the boredom of certainty but who instead invites us to be faithful in the complexity of our bodies, our blood, our pain, our joy, and our grief. To God be the glory.

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Have Yourself, A Merry Cross-Cultural Christmas

December 23, 2011

(C) Awkward Family Photos

Christmas season, for better or for worse, brings families together. This is a season of sharing with those you love in conditions of constant ambivalence. Yes, January, the month immediately following holiday season, is the busiest time for psychotherapists working in private practice. If this time is hard for most Americans, it is a bit harder for those of us who are in thriving cross-cultural intimate relationships.

I want to be careful here with the use of ‘cross-cultural,’ because the term evokes the encounter of cultural selves at an equal level. At this level, it is assumed that there is space for both cultural systems to be equally validated. However, in conditions of immigration, where one of the family members must thrive in a dominant culture that is very different than their own, immigrants are susceptible to be colonized in the intimate realm. No person in their right mind means to colonize their spouse, their sister-in-law or their son-in-law. However, it is in the subtle conversations, those in which family members tend to forget you are foreign, where colonization happens.

I come from South America–the land of cynism, sassiness, monumental rants, in-your-face passive-aggressive humor, and where one is supposed to entertain an audience through good, dark-humored storytelling. I am, however, married to a White, Christian, adorable man from the Midwest–the land of kindness, politeness, encouragement and curiosity. Here, listening is more important than telling a funny story. Asking questions is the way to lead a conversation. One is not supposed to take over by talking about oneself, which I deeply appreciate but how different it is from where I grew up! We are now visiting his family; the most kind, generous, welcoming and amazing people I have ever met. We have been married for almost 5 years, and we live in the Pacific Northwest; that place where ‘this sucks, I’m out of here’ is replaced by expressions like ‘this is interesting; I’m curious.’ Yes, it has been a rocky road to fit in. But if I want to be a successful immigrant in the US, if I want to have a family, fulfilling relationships with friends, if I want to truly ‘make it’ professionally, I must strive to fit in. This is not a choice between being South American or ‘Gringa.’ No. There is no choice–I MUST fit in. The US has been built upon the foundations of social darwinism–the survival of the ‘fittest.’ I must fit in.

I fit, therefore I am.

For the most part, I have succeeded. I have learned to be more curious, kinder, softer. I have learned to tone down my opinions, to be careful about not ranting too much. I have learned to play the part–to blend in as a Gringa. However, I find myself stuck in the in-between. My strong accent is a constant reminder of my origins, I am still ‘rough-around-the-edges.’ Sometimes, I can’t help to spout a good rant about Delta Airline’s horrible customer service or how Regence Blue Shield is just a bunch of thieves! (Did I say that out loud?)

This in-betweenness has turned out to be confusing not only to myself but also to those around me. Where I succeed to blend in, they forget I am not from here, and in forgetting, they misinterpret the instances where I can’t help to be South American. As a result, I have this constant feeling of inadequacy. Being misinterpreted has been the most common experience of inter-subjectivity for me. And it is painful; it is getting old.

Fast conversations around the table can also be hard. My English is good enough for people to forget it is my second language, and they may read my silence as snobby detachment; my out-of-sync questions as social awkwardness. I have to get over myself, keep trying, maybe we’ll all get it someday.

I know that I am not the only one struggling with this. I am posting this not in a self-indulgent, whiny effort to evoke sympathy but in the hopes that this comforts anyone else encountering the same experience, whether you are an immigrant or a caring and curious in-law.

At any rate, have yourself a merry Christmas… gotta go be with family now.

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A Pilgrimage of Hope

December 23, 2011

This blog post was originally posted at undocumented.tv and reposted at globaltheology.org.

A pilgrimage of hope, undocumented tvIn my work with immigrants, there are certain stories that stick with me because they reveal some aspect of God.Usually, the stories of the poor are too similar to those in the Bible to ignore. They are almost literal, revealing the ways in which God actually identified with the poor and the oppressed. As we observe advent, I’d like to share with you the story of a hardworking family that came from Mexico 22 years ago.

Like many migrants to the U.S., they were seeking better opportunities for their children. I saw them because they had been assaulted at gunpoint at the convenience store they owned in Washington State. While sharing about their background the mom told me about their epic immigration pilgrimage through the desert, 22 years ago, carrying their 2-year-old son and their six-month-old baby. As the mother of an infant I could not help but think about the practical details; ‘What about diapers? Was your baby on formula? How did you wash the bottle? Where did you find water!?’ Calmly, and as if it was not a big deal, the mom explained how she walked miles carrying the infant in her arms while her husband took the two-year-old on one hand and the water jug on the other.

The liminality of the desert. The discomfort. The infant and toddler. The hope… The image quickly evoked Mother Mary, in the late stages of pregnancy, laboring through the desert to Bethlehem and later escaping to Egypt with a newborn as a refugee. The stakes were high. Mary and Joseph found themselves in the cross-roads of life and death and risked everything to save the gift that God had given to humanity—Jesus. In the same way this family, escaping hunger and abject poverty, engaged in a journey of faith leaving everything they deemed as familiar, walking through the desert pregnant with hope for a better future, a future that to them meant salvation from destitution.

Once in the US this family established a thriving business that created jobs for the locals. Their children went to school but unfortunately could not pursue higher education because of their undocumented status. They continue to work hard. They continue providing jobs. They continue walking a different kind of desert—the arid lands of an undocumented status.

May their journey inspire us this advent season to be pilgrims of faith, pregnant with hopes for a nation that welcomes the stranger and the poor in our midst and allows for their prophetic voice to be heard.

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